The Subway Address

I went out for lunch with my friend Touamoto Sakimata-Smith this week, to a local Subway restaurant. I'm afraid that Touamoto may have been a tad "over-inspired" by the inauguration of Barack Obama on Tuesday. Here's what he had to say when it was his turn to order:

Thank you for this opportunity to be served by your respected and honourable establishment.

I stand before you today as a man of free will. A man who has been called upon to make a choice. A choice borne of hunger, but radiating with a higher purpose.

The hunger that calls me here today is more than just a hunger to feed and nourish the body. It is a hunger to rise above the petty and selfish concerns that, left unchecked, can darken the spirit of the soul. A hunger to leave behind the dreary pursuit of material concerns, and to be with like-minded brothers and sisters, of all races, creeds, and backgrounds, who have come here together to share in a common purpose. A hunger to uplift and ennoble those who have toiled to produce and deliver the choices now presented here before us - the bakers of the breads, the harvesters of the vegetables, the butchers of the meats.

Some among us will argue that free will does not exist. That the choices presented to us in the course of our daily activities are mere illusions. And that our fate has been predestined by ancient and powerful forces beyond our control. I reject this premise as false. For to surrender our will to the fates, to casually abandon our responsibility to choose wisely and to choose well, to apathetically shrug our shoulders and wonder "what does it matter?", is for us to admit defeat. And at this critical juncture of our history, I call upon men and women of free will everywhere to vigilantly defend ourselves from this defeat. So that when future generations are called upon to decide, they may look upon us a shining beacon of guidance. Let them say that we did not falter, we did not abdicate our responsibility, we did not lose our will. When called upon to decide, we chose.

And so my friends, the time has come to choose. Let us ask ourselves, at this moment, at this place, is the choice between "Marinara Meatball" and "Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki" really any different from the choice between justice and oppression, between compassion and brutality, between charity and greed? In deciding between "Whole Wheat" and "Italian Herb", must we not call upon our better angels to guide us to make the decision with grace and dignity? Not with malice towards any of the options left unchosen, but with an undying conviction that all options are to be granted the due consideration, deliberation and respect of which they are worthy ...

Awww, crap! I forgot my wallet at home. Never mind.

I "forgot my wallet" too (hey, it was supposed to be his turn to buy!), so we had to leave. The people in line behind us were grateful.